04/06/26
“It’s the conflicting feelings that make the picture.”
Nick Willing on Paula Rego (Talk Art)
memory
“It’s the conflicting feelings that make the picture.”
Nick Willing on Paula Rego (Talk Art)
Pretty sure this is Dad in the Vectra circa 2000.
GET OUT THERE!
***Updating from loss and eventual return of diary***
test demo screenshot from 2014
“When you are a mature artist, you’re not a mature painter”
“The world can only be grasped by action, not by contemplation. The hand is more important than the eye… The hand is the cutting edge of the mind.”
from ‘The Ascent of Man’ by Jacob Bronowski
Some sketchbook studies tonight.
Detail of “Lady of the Manor”.
Day trip to Belfast to deliver “Saint and Sinner” for Platform Arts group show.
As it’s the season for it, here’s a golden oldie from 2003. This photo was taken for a GCSE Art project where my cousin Aidan dressed as the grim reaper holding a very rusty scythe. Our cat then walked along the tin roof behind him, jumped on his shoulders and then proceeded to stroll across the top of the blade. It all happened purely by chance and made for a great photo.
Detail of work in progress - “The Doctor Will See You Now”.
Detail of ‘Galamseyer’ - painting in progress
Slieve Gallion
Listening to ‘Jo’s Art History Podcast’ in the studio.
Rearranging storage space.
Internal shot of Ciara McMullan’s art studio / exhibition space project.
It’s been a full on week - trying to ease myself in slowly and find my footing again and knowing my limits.
Evenings = questions
UPDATES
Handwriting is a microcosm of the personality.
A good start to “The Infamy of Crete”. Muddy palette so far but for now it’s working.
SorT? tech-check. Target -> 1488 (done).
Bullet points for a smooth six minutes.
Could easily fall into the trap of not doing anything this weekend but I know how it would make me feel if nothing was to happen. Try your best - productive variables.
Good God this text is heavy!
Taking time in the studio. The little pieces of canvas / glass that I’ve been asked to put something on for a student’s project was actually a really good loosening / warming up exercise. I have plenty of little strands laying around and could put paint down / play / experiment / make mistakes for twenty minutes before moving onto wall works. Not a bad idea.
Gold Leaf for step edges possibly?
Some really solid background work to “On Gilded Steps” - a lot of blending work. The scratching around the figures - lets try and keep some of that!
Scanning.
Having to go up above to finish online work just sucks.
Waking up at 4am - chocking. Not good.
Miriam O’Connor: different coping mechanisms - access to the studio so important - adaptability key to productivity - art to navigate trauma in life - art practice is tool for survival
Austin Ivers: teetering between the two poles of anxiety and boredom.
Really enjoyed taking part in the panel talk yesterday and the podcast is out today. So happy it was recorded before my voice left me completely.
Some more work to “On Gilded Steps” today.
Darkness in control.
“O.G.S.” - Steps are really annoying me. In hindsight I probably would have set the steps differently. now, however, with the background nearly prefect as it is, it could be a disaster to try and adjust the steps and lose that backdrop. I have this painting by Rembrandt rolling around in my head at the minute.
What a game!
Should the bull’s head go black? - went a little too far with it today but it’s fixable.
Scaling sketches down in scanner is probably a good move. A few good drawings of old family photos tonight.
“T.I.O.C.” looks more like an etching at the minute.
Loose! Emphasis on LOOSE!
Last night was a total nightmare. Floating, panic and chased by a hooded killer. Once caught a falling sensation would wake me up but once I dozed of I was straight back into the nightmare and repeated this process around four or five times.
‘Create and curate your own archive’.
Farewell Fernand.
memory / identity / trauma
We should be able to close the door on loss.
Standing with back to camera, an act of defiance against process. Mix memory with current state.
Really enjoyed this talk today! Watching and listening in made me really nostalgic about LOFT. We should be proud of what we were able to achieve with that space.
“The infamy of Crete” - finished. Not perfect but pretty solid.
Little bit of “T.I.O.C.” was really bugging me so I crept into the studio and fixed it last night.
Today was a case of drawing up a few smaller works and putting down basic paint layers. A promising start.
A quick up and down trip to Belfast for an appointment.
‘sub cruce salus’
… too simplistic or is it hard to get ideas across?
Need to leave site.
Elevator pitch: use personal and found imagery to explore notions of trauma, memory and experience. (13 words, 83 characters)
imagery with personal connection - greater impact?
large scale drawings = link between sketchbook and canvas.
FORM —> CONTENT —> FORM —> CONTENT …
Can you distil the feeling of an image?
Play with gesture.
…adding just for the sake doesn’t cut it. Integrate if it adds to a message.
Hillsborough
Growing uncertainty in other areas is just leading to this “deer in headlights” feeling.
Lists are all well and good but to get making again ; that’s what it’s all about.
“Shock” looking good thus far.
Passionate about painting / drawing and interplay between the mark-making of both processes… juxtaposing imagery. How do they sit together?
Still have to show though.
Detail of “Shock” - finished today - Oil and Charcoal on Canvas
Sketchbook work: 13/01/21
A little slow to get in today but four canvas pieces off the starting block which makes up for it.
…in a jar for the day.
Forgetown Bridge
Sketchbook work
Not one but two zooms this evening.
Some surprising paint down today. Loosely does it.
Detail of work in progress.
Cold.
Sketchbook work this evening,
Prepping studio for visit
GT Reading Round returns!
-inbuilt desire to want something out of ourselves.
Sketchbook work.
MRI scan. Very loud.
Some progress on the little boy piece that was swiftly undone.
Studio Shot: 07/10/20
Materials ordered.
World Mental Health Day.
Very happy to have been asked to take part in the second day of Reimagine, Remake Replay’s mental health festival - Head and Heart.
Got a little emotional at one point but that is OK. In good company.
Real struggle to focus the past week. Probably the least productive day in the studio since March.
More work on little boy portrait.
Buck up ideas. Foot off the gas.
With new restrictions in place, there will be no Belfast visit tomorrow sadly.
Started two new canvases today. Not sure what’s up. For a while I thought it was the imagery that isn’t exciting enough but I don’t know anymore.
Some good movement on one canvas and a bit of weird experimenting on another.
“Silence is Golden” finished.
Surround Sound!
Painting work. (‘Misunderstood’ as a wee inside joke?)
The little go-cart piece - tougher than expected.
Two tone might be an option - like voyage home and G’OK.
Out of sorts.
20 paintings since March - hard to believe.
‘Confessional’ home safe and sound. Thanks to University of Atypical for their support and patience.
Sketchbook session
Radio Three’s Sunday Feature: Tate Modern - Exploding the Canon
With the darker evenings and the colder weather setting in, it’s not a surprise that studio time has dwindled. This shouldn’t mean that productive time goes to waste. I have been doing sketchbook work more and now is a good time to research other creative outlets.
○○○
On 10th October (world mental health day) I had the pleasure of being interviewed by the folks at Reimagine, Remake, Replay.
We discussed my experience with mental health issues and my artistic practice. I’d encourage everyone to check out the other speakers from the RRR’s Head and Heart Festival here.
Huge thanks to Stephen , Niamh and all the RRR team for making this interview happen!
Power is out.
The Rashomon Effect: When the same event is described in significantly different and often contradictory ways by people who were involved.
I do feel a little stuck with the Crimean Painting. Some sketchbook work - get back to the drawing board.
Death Masks: bottling the soul, bottling the trauma.
Very strange few days. ‘Taking Orders’ painting - just not sure where to go with it. Leaving it aside for now and having a look at adding a recent sketch and incorporating it into an old abandoned piece. The only good thing I can see in the failed ‘St. Lurach’s’ work is that weeping willow to the left. It should stay in some capacity.
Very lethargic for some reason.
Thoughts = NOT A REALIST PAINTER!!!
Lifelike/ reality isn’t what I’m aiming for in drawing or painting. Yes, sometimes a more realistic application or approach is required depending on what the image dictates. EG: ‘GO’K’ works in that it hints at realism but ultimately leaves the majority of the portrait minimal - barely any detail. This is not just limited to composition, but especially colour I think.
Belfast bound.
So good to get to the MAC for the degree shows from the Belfast School of Art.
‘Confessional’ reopening was great! It’s a show I’m very proud of.
Some good progress on ‘The Voyage Home’. Less is more - even on this scale I think. Suits the image and composition well.
Finished!
Halfway through September! HOW?!?!
Figuring out ideas for next steps and possibilities. Good to get some sketching done tonight. Forgot how accessible sketching smaller than A4 is.
Guston and de Kooning - both developed making works with a ‘formula’ able to commercialise work / work that could be made in their sleep and sell no problem. Both rejected this formula and started again.
Integrity.
‘Elizabeth’ and ‘Mary Ann’ studies - the looser the better.
Detail of ‘Elizabeth Study’ - work in progress
I think I’m coming close to a mini burn out as far as studio work is concerned. Might be good to take a step back, read and research for a few days and see where we are.
Finished the little portrait studies. Really different approach but that’s no bad thing. Started some new canvases.
“Art is a wound turned into light.”
‘Elizabeth Study’ and ‘Mary Ann Study’
Research - that’s about it.
Some good progress in the studio today.
Got scared very easily.
Sketchbook work.
Five canvases on the go at the minute. Best to focus on one or two at a time. First up., ‘Waiting Room’. It’s been a while from I attempted this image.
Seats / Symbols?
‘The Waiting Room’ - detail
What was light at the end of the tunnel has turned into a dark abyss. Shrug it off and keep going.
Sketching
So the past few days have seen a real drop in productivity and drive. Reasons or not —> focusing on work will help. Taking a mini break will also help. Easy to fall into old, procrastinating habits.
Meaty questions.
Studio all clean and tidy!
Some more Matisse-inspired bamboo work for shapes in the foreground and that’s the large painting finished! Title to be confirmed later.
Abrupt awakening.
So “The Hill of the Red Witch” it is. Very close.
Eventually got some good ground work down on two new pieces. Some human hair included.
Great Julie Curtiss talk with Brooklyn Rail.
2013 - 2015: 14 works (over 3 years)
2016 - 2018: 36 works (over 3 years)
2019 - June 2020: 16 works (in 18 months)
That’s crazy!
Really pleased with “Left Out” thus far but the mouth on “RPM” is really annoying me!
QUESTIONS
Working out left hand on “L.O.” is tough. It’s not the shape of it but the lay of the fingers that’s the bother. Pre-mixing … is needed to unify the hands and face. It’s the difference in definition between the upper and lower hands that are jarring a bit.
Days that just don’t go your way. THUMB NEEDS TO BE A FRACTION LONGER!
Working method today is attacking the canvas in micro stages.
NON FINITO = nice idea.
Does something have to look finished before being deemed complete?
Detail of “Left Out”
…I limped home tonight. Painted for nearly 11 hours. Not sure if “Left Out” is done, but it’s bloody close.
… Yes it’s there!
Good drawing time this evening.
Priming, studio cleaning and two little pieces drawn up. Interior one has promise.
The Ruination of the World.
“Rock Pool Memory” - the original drawing is not exact and so the dimensions are a little skew-whiff. Possibly why the painting is not coming together.
Horrible day painting but at least it beats not doing anything at all! “Rock Pool Memory” is just that - a memory.
A sense of critical…. ?
Such as strange pain down arms and shoulders last night. Shake it off or…
Trip to A&E - allergic reaction to insect bites. The usual then.
Studio time.
High contrast in BT’s face might be best avoided. Playing around right now just.
Nice chat with Chloe, Dominic and Niamh - some interesting discussions.
“Hotel ‘78” complete. [] is right - something slightly different about it. Softer maybe.
A nice dull background on “Seashore Jester”.
Applied … again.
Solid studio day. Resurrected “Rock Pool Memory”. Tonal values not there on “Seashore Jester” just yet but happy enough so far. Stumbled across the old Enfield painting that I abandoned four years ago. Decided to give it another crack.
Been a few days of home improvements.
Sketched out little commission and cleaned out palette.
Martha Tuttle talk on Brooklyn Rail excellent! Links to antiquity and the tactility of the work is fascinating.
The past few days I’ve literally been going round in circles with “Rock Pool Memory”. Originally I thought executing the proportions properly would have solved any issues that were cropping up but no. I think I’m in two/three minds as to how to approach it so perhaps shelving it isn’t a bad idea for now.
I think it’s important to take a step back sometimes and focus on other elements of practice. So today is a drawing and research day.
“ART IS LONG, LIFE IS SHORT” the reversed first two lines of Hippocrates’ ‘Aphorismi’
Nearly six hours of sketchbook work today.
Did not expect to but “Rock Pool Memory” is finished. It really has been an unprecedented time of creativity. Silver lining in a weird and unnerving time.
“Rock Pool Memory” finished.
The Troxler Effect - monsters in the mirror.
Treated myself to some art books.
Detail of ‘Enfield’ painting in progress
Short stint today, Slow progress but progress nonetheless.
Parts looks OK and then others are close to the point of madness. At least the dead crab looks well.
Finding a new normal.
…so not just images / maps / diagrams but also fears: nightmares.
Where are you?
What’s your date of birth?
What’s today’s date?
Do you know why you are here?
Who is the Prime minister?
Lift both arms
Push against me.
Follow my finger.
Any dizziness? Nausea?
A face in the clouds.
…cover the eyes.
VAI’s café: So good to see what Cecilia Danell is up to in lockdown.
Tried drawing. Didn’t go well. It’s going to take longer than first thought to get back to creative work. Super frustrating.
Head is so sore today. Silver lining: Jerry Saltz’s “How to Be an Artist” arrived today.
…avoid little voice neigh-saying in your head. All topics are valid.
utilise R.D. more.
…with found imagery, find and explore that connection to your own experiences.
You never stop learning or looking for new ways to work.
Sharpen observational skills. Draw from experience.
Over-analysing? Maybe.
“A work of art cannot depend on explanation” - Jerry Saltz
Really enjoyed the webinar from VAI with CCA’s Catherine Hemelryk
INTEGRITY!
National Drawing Day. Really good to sit down and just draw today. Did a live-stream where I set up a still life and a few people drew along.
John Berger is always a good read.
Sketchbook work
VAI café
Orla Whelan: existential questions - preoccupation with death. Philosophical exploration.
Another little bit of late night sketching.
The virtual opening of the Catalyst Members Show.
More late night sketchbook work.
“An artists’ job is to reflect the time we live in.” - Nina Simone
“Using line to make visual texture” - Fiona Rae on Dürer
“Race to the Bottom” detail.
Started teaching my dad how to stretch canvas as I can’t at the moment.
Apparently I have the same birthday as Edward Hopper.
Canvas projecting.
Early morning reading.
“At root, truth to painting is truth to light.” - Juliam Barnes
New Decade. A quiet start to the year but with a feeling of resolve and drive to get things done.
“For the dead travel fast.” - Jonathan Harker’s Journal
Bram Stoker’s Dracula
mem: Sickert’s approach to “Portrait of Hugh Walpole” - one of my favourites - could work. Drastic yes but by simplifying the colours… more painterly…. ambiguous.
The Optimism Gap: Locally good. Nationally bad.
“Unsafe” Commission
Finished commission. Looked at Sickert and Dumas. Previously it was haggard and stale.
…relieved!
A lot of scanned drawings tonight.
Renewal
Five posts in five weeks.
Potential title?
Performed open heart surgery on the 206 today.
“No Remorse” painting is moving very very slowly.
Detail of “No Remorse” in progress
Overthinking personal issues.
Belfast today.
Incense in sunlight
Issues of “crown” install is mind boggling.
DIONYSUS
Office updating and uploading.
Jade Riley wrote a little piece about my practice. Chuffed!
Ideas with Dad for install concepts.
Hodge-Podge.
Bit of breathing issues but otherwise OK.
Winter sunset
Eventually got out of a rut (well even a foot out of the door is good) and got sketching.
“To remove unwanted threads of your past (regrets or mistakes) is to undo the tapestry of your life.” - JLP
Last night I had the pleasure of attending the opening of “The Dark” in the CCA. Agnes Meyer-Brandis’ work has made me look at geese in a slightly more positive light.
Started two new canvases and pleased with the progress of “Crown of Dionysus”.
“Crown” finished - including wall fixing designed by Dad.
C.E.’s shouldn’t be halted until the weekend.
Finally getting around to reading the collection of art essays by Julian Barnes. I think since I got it the day I visited John in the Royal I’ve been avoiding it.
Late night sketching is better than no sketching at all!
Hatchet sketch
“Time dissolves the story into form, colour, emotion. Modern and ignorant, we re-imagine the story: do we vote for the optimistic yellowing sky, or the grieving greybeard? Or do we end up believing both versions? The eye can flick from one road or one interpretation, to the other: is this what was intended?
Julian Barnes - “Géricault: Catastrophe into Art”
All in all a horrible day.
More work done to “The Ferryman”. I think it’s lost any painterly charm.
‘Arena: Kusama Infinity’ - such a great artist!
“While the dead show dead art, living artists die.” - Yayoi Kusama
Hope springs eternal.
Great talk and workshop with Action Mental Health. Really positive and interesting feedback from the crowd.
Patrick Horan’s fantastic paintings in the Ards Art Centre’s Sunburst Gallery.
Called into the Ards Art Centre for a quick chat and a little look at two shows opening; Gavin McCrea’s installation and Patrick Horan’s paintings.
Yusuke Asai’s amazing installation in the Golden Thread Gallery
At Late Night Art Mark McGreevy’s ‘Flop Sweat’ in the MAC is marvellous! Brilliant use of colour. ‘Knick Knacks and Whatnots’ by Cameron Morgan in University of Atypical is excellent. Blown away by the work on display in the Golden Thread’s “Noise of Silence: Japanese Art Now’ especially Yusuke Asai’s huge mud installations.
“Ferryman” is unusable.
Finally finished the middle panel from the originally conceived “Pioneer” triptych. Think it stands on it’s own merit.
More progress to the the ‘Cooley’ piece.
Sketchbook work tonight.
Really enjoyed “Memory: The Origin of Alien” documentary.
“At the Mountains of Madness” by HP Lovecraft.
“What will humanity find when they look in the dark places?”
Studio work - some additions of spray paint to ‘Cooley’ piece. Walked away before digging too far.
Little panel piece, “The Horror! The Horror” Speed is it’s friend. Wooden supports are responsive to gestural work - less so with the charcoal marks - more layers needed to achieve tonal quality I’m after.
Wonderful article about my time up at Action Mental Health.
Increase in productivity lately. Could it be a confidence thing? I’m working no more or no less than the slump periods. Is it a case of a fine tuning of better judgement when more at peace with practice? Plenty to look forward to in the coming months.
Notes: immediate drawing line combined with more deliberate painterly marks. Cross pollination.
“LW” = by removing the instrument of trauma can it be viewed in a miraculous or redemptive light?
Not spelling out the narrative - Great to sit down and chat about work and ideas with GM.
Visit to PS Squared and “How the Image Echos” show.
Sea Holly Gallery is absolutely stunning and wonderful work on from the 545 pop up group show. So good to see elements of the much loved Orpheus building back in an artistic sense.
Craig Donald’s work alongside restored windows from the Orpheus building in the Sea Holly Gallery
Finished little panel piece.
Quarantined.
Studio work and “Dress Rehearsal Study” is getting there. It’s weird how every time I paint children they end up completely terrifying.
Ari Aster’s ‘Midsommar’ is utterly amazing. Beautifully filmed and will stay with me for a long time.
Collection of work for “Bardo” show tomorrow morning.
Slow but important work on “Bogland” today. Thinking a lot about Sickert.
It’s been a rough week but finally seeing positives.
Sketchbook time.
Meditate and Release.
Found ‘failed’ middle panel of “Pioneer Studies”. Works on it’s own merit. Must have been a weak link at the time.
Rework maybe?
Submission sent. A glutton for punishment.
Bit later in the day for studio time but spent longer tonight to make up for it.
Some texture with sawdust.
Colours are popping and really contrast from the blurred background. Still trying to maintain the mantra of “MAKE EVERY PAINTING A STUDY” but it’s hard when the focal point is a figure where it seems to be falling short.
More integration of sawdust needed? Question everything?
The smallest brush in the arsenal.
Didn’t get to sleep until 5am. It’s not my fault.
Crisp morning breeze. Brought a rose in.
Staring at work, the foreground, which I tolerated a few weeks ago, now seems flat. Texture, perspective and overlapping of light and shade required.
A.A.H.
Ballydugan Mill
Amazing day at G &N’s wedding yesterday! Trying to get a bit of studio work in now before a much needed early night!
Frustrating. Two steps forward, two steps back. No better off but not worse off either.
“Never mind that nobody bought them! Do them! Tell your story!”
“He who follows is always behind.”
Paul Cézanne
How to get back in the creative mindset?
“Asking for Trouble” - pen on paper
‘What gets measured gets done’ is a quote is heard rattled around today.
Plenty of little niggly bits to run through. Let’s not fall into that usual trap of realism!
Am I focusing too much on that main figure?
Strange birthday. Nothing bad, just strange.
Beautiful sketchbook from Jan.
Didn’t get through. Plough on!
Intense building.
Trying not to waste to so much paint. Working on “Sack Race” - shadows and sack texture.
“Ferryman”: painterly background. Leaving it early.
“As an artist you should be the one to sing off key.”
A non-studio art day. Starting new sketchbook. Smaller sale seems to suit drawing technique. I think I came to this realisation some time ago but it must have slipped the memory.
Arena’s Cindy Sherman: #untitled was great! Chameleon. Film stills and centre pieces are still some of my favourite works.
“I trust you to make the narrative”
“Art can offer a chance for self examination”
Almost a disaster. Too hung up on certain elements and it is holding the piece back. So the notion of blurring the background and having the foreground sharply in focus works. Execution at the moment is lacking sadly. Need to figure out how to fix the mesh fence but will need to redo all the good work from today. Lesson Learnt.
Essentially yesterday was a pure slug fest in the studio.
Action is better than inaction. Working out grid for fence work.
Solo show by John McMacken
Belfast School of Art Degree Shows were great. Some outstanding work. Nina Johnston’s tree installation on level 6 is amazing. Regardless of levels/grades that many of the graduates are embarking on that’s the really exciting part.
Looking back, I adored my time in university but detested my degree show. All but one piece has been destroyed and it was the start of a huge, and still ongoing learning curve that’s led my practice to where it is.
Meeting in the evening went really well. Some good feedback and ideas for an upcoming project.
Little break from the studio today to recharge from the overload of art from yesterday.
“Frank Bowling - What do Artists Do All Day?”
The beginnings of planning an exhibition layout.
“Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is a strength”
“Dana Shutz: How Do You Depict A Feeling?”
Detail of the removal process.
Bit of start and stop in the studio but fixative giveth and fixative taketh away!
Just spied Grace McMurray’s piece in the Royal Academy documentary.
“Paula Rego: Secrets and Stories” - Great way to start the day!
“Depression is like a crown of thorns”
Dander down to the river with the dogs.
More pushing back on “Sack Race” although I could have easily got sucked into working on tiny details and not looked at the whole picture.
Glazing, Hatching, Cross Hatching, Direct, Sfumato, Painterly, Impasto, Staining, Dripping, Gestural, Broken Strokes, Dotting, A La Prima, Patches, Feathers, Scumbling, Washes, Bravara, Directional.
Sketchbook work.
Knowledge / Creativity / Inspiration
Beginnings / Liberation
Summer Solstice. Pleased with how mesh fence is coming.
Need to let go of aiming to get the little things perfect in the work. Ultimately its holding up the process. Obviously not saying to go full ‘Sloppy Joe’ on it but recognising when things get knit picky - take a step back and reassess time spent on something inconsequential.
Little break day. Sophia Campbell on “Sky’s PAOTY 2019”.
There’s no sugar coating it. Intrusive thoughts bombarding for practically 8 straight hours.
Embarrassing, frustrating but mainly just terrifying. I don’t want them anymore.
It will take time to get to grips with what is going on.
Currently going through potential imagery. I think its good to scan through images from time to time to build up ideas.
Getting to grips with terms and conditions and sorting out a plan of action together.