Below is text written by Gemma Murphy that accompanied my solo show “Bardo: An Unknown Country” in the Ards Art Centre. Huge thanks to Gemma for her kind words and research into the exhibition.
Gemma Murphy
iDA award
RDH: 01/12/18 - 31/12/18
01/12/18
Blocked out “Bereft Clown”.
02/12/18
Found an ogham poster on North Street with an interesting translation.
Vault studios is amazing - especially EMIC’s studio space!
04/12/18
…text to coincide with next solo show…
08/12/18
Studio work today. Thought I was close to finishing ‘confessional’ but it might be further away than I imagined.
09/12/18
“You make a mistake when you explain the paintings through the war.”
Mark Stevens - on Bacon’s “Three Studies for Figures at the Base of a Crucifixion”
Several shooting stars.
15/12/18
Probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. Childhood hero reduced. It's a real jolt to the system.
Trauma doesn’t discriminate. It’s so subjective that it can defy explanation or description. Nightmarish.
16/12/18
Materials courtesy of the University of Atypical’s iDA award arrived to the studio today.
Need to learn to keep some things to yourself.
See it through. Stay strong and keep head up.
17/12/18
Panic attack today.
21/12/18
You never fully appreciate someone until its too late. A true legend that has shaped so many. Time with family is so important.
Resolutions < Revolutions
22/12/18
Moon-rise over Glenshane.
Thought I had a good night’s sleep but my body is telling me different. Need to draw more again.
26/12/18
Getting lost in thought about art is a joy. It’s like taking a mini vacation.
27/12/18
Some sketchbook work. Not much but it’s a start.
Look more before putting pen to paper. This is not to say to lose the immediacy during the act of drawing but to take a breath to absorb and examine what an image has to offer.
29/12/18
Finished “Confessional”. Maybe when the mind is distracted slightly it makes studio work more of an automated response? Decisions were made and action was taken.
Not saying having a completely distracted head-space works. Far from it. I’ve been there plenty of times and it’s disastrous. No. It’s more a case of - you’re in the studio and you have a clear(ish) idea of where the work will go so you follow that. The decision making dilemma is lessened due to the preoccupation of other matters going on upstairs.
30/12/18
A bit of work done to “Bereft Clown before clearing the palette and studio up for another year.
RDH: 01/07/18 - 31/07/18
01/07/18
Crunching numbers.
02/07/18
... feels unfinished ... sections fall apart ... a denying of illusionism ...
"The Mountain of the Heights" in progress.
03/07/18
TRAUMA PARADOX - CONCEPT
04/07/18
Shocked. Head spirals backwards. Sketchbook work today.
05/07/18
'Bardo' - (tibetan) a state between life and death
...instead of saying "What's wrong with you?" it should be "What happened to you?"
relaxing with visual artists news sheet from VAI
1: Emotional brain basically becomes a 'survival brain' and can hijack the conscious brain.
2: Alarm system in brain becomes distorted and a person may become hyper vigilant.
3: Ability to appraise the present and to learn from experience (an imbalance and a resistance to heal).
Developmental trauma takes time to heal and there are no quick fixes.
BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH!!!!
07/07/18
Lifting works from the Townhouse Gallery in Belfast.
rough sketch for an installation idea
08/07/18
A research day.
09/07/18
Studio wall
Refined some charcoal marks on the large landscape today.
10/07/18
"Traumatic Memory"
trauma - from the greek meaning 'to wound' or 'to pierce'.
11/07/18
NOTES from Psychology texts:
"...the story of trauma is one of enlightenment and forgetfulness.Knowledge gained and lost over and over. A history categorised by criticism and denial."
A tragic paradox of trauma is that one of it's primary casualties is that of truth itself.
Trauma is considered as - "an event outside the range of usual experience." (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders -III - R - 1980)
Trauma shatters the assumptive world - invincibility has gone and the world is seen as darker, chaotic, evil and dangerous.
12/07/18
Sketchbook work today. Little steps are better than no steps at all.
13/07/18
Canvas nearly ready to go in the studio
Stretched a few canvases today.
14/07/18
detail of landscape in progress
Colours laid out and tightened back of landscape canvas.
15/07/18
;
16/07/18
"The Mountain of the Heights" in the garden.
Finished "The Mountain of the Heights" today. Could have done more but I'm learning to let go before work is destroyed.
17/07/18
"Second hand images can create first hand emotion" - Marlene Dumas
18/07/18
A delivery of paints came today
19/07/18
20/07/18
A pretty good start to my week off; I have been offered a solo show!
21/07/18
Justine McDonnell's "A Composition of She" in the Golden Thread Gallery, Belfast
First night out in Belfast in ages and we are evacuated from Laverys due to a 'fire'.
22/07/18
Stunning paintings by Elizabeth Magill at the Ulster Museum, Belfast
23/07/18
An idea for using flattened paint boxes.
Too many ideas floating around.
NB: To loosen up before working from chosen imagery, I want to try and do some work from life beforehand. Can't do any harm.
A five minute self portrait study
24/07/18
"The Landis Museum" exhibition at the CCA, Derry
A trip to Derry for meetings and gallery visits.
Detail of one of Colin Davidson's remarkable paintings in "Silent Testimony" at the Nerve Visual Gallery, Derry
I first saw Colin Davidson's 'Silent Testimony' three years ago in the Ulster Museum. Today it was in the Nerve Visual Gallery in Derry. Still so powerful. The 'us and them' mentality is nonexistent and removing divisive language and politics reveals the human suffering on all sides. It is so important. So glad to have seen it again.
Beginnings of a small canvas experiment
Merging two old drawing works onto a new canvas.
Have multiple little eggs going on at the moment.
Imagine... Rose Wylie on BBC iPlayer
...where presence is evident...
"I think you're a lot happier if you don't mind a bit of imperfection." - Rose Wyllie
25/07/18
The two sons of Oedipus, Polynices and Eteocles translates to "Manifold Strife" and "Truly Glorious" respectively. Might just be the title of a new painting that's been started.
Good news: I have two works pre-selected for the Royal Ulster Academy 2018. Fingers crossed!
26/07/18
"What's for you won't go past you."
Progress on a small painting study
"It's strange, but you can't make a painting without content. Content is not like solving a problem in school or university. Content much more means that you've built up enough reason to do it. And content is also shitty because if you begin to identify too much with the content then you can't move. There are too many people shouting out in the chorus. Content starts you up and you leave it behind. It doesn't mean that you remove yourself from the content but it's too cumbersome to carry along. So when I'm working, it's not mechanical at all but it's cool headed because I'm not questioning the content. I've left it behind. It's interesting to say that content is crap, but you can't live without it." - TAL R
27/07/18
Four works in progress in the studio
"A Manifold and Truly Glorious Strife" - painting in progress
Really pleased with how "A Manifold and Truly Glorious Strife" is shaping up.
"You have to create something that lives in a kind of mystery." - TAL R
28/07/18
Worked on "Rehearsal Study" today. Played with skin tone and facial features using an air compressor to manipulate the paint. A slightly less controlled appearance.
31/07/18
So pleased to have been able to attend the iDA reception event at the Atypical Gallery in Belfast. This website is only possible through the iDA grant from atypical and the Arts Council fo Northern Ireland so I'm extremely grateful for their continued support and guidance. Congratulations to all the award recipients this year!
RDH: 27/05/18 - 30/06/18
27/25/18
NB:- "Imprint": washes over selected charcoal marks makes for a more painterly and softer outcome whilst still retaining the drawing element - it's just not as overwhelming. Marrying the two worlds. Artistically I'm in a good place. It's utilising time more effectively.
28/05/18
On Hodler's "Night": covered figure personifies death as an intensification of sleep. On the back of the canvas Hodler wrote: "There is many a people who lies down to rest in the evening but who does not wake up in the morning."
"Night" by Ferdinand Hodler - 1899/90 - Museum of Fine Arts Bern
"Riot" and "Chidren of the Stage" started.
"Children of the Stage" - early progress.
Haven't painted on board in two years. Keep forgetting how forgiving the surface is.
"Riot" piece started.
29/05/18
Hot air balloon in trouble over Draperstown medical centre.
Started small canvas of "Cult" drawing I did five years ago. Been a long time but its always good to keep everything - just in case.
"Cult" painting in progress.
30/05/18
Let's see what happens.
02/06/18
Playing about with "The Mountain of the Heights" - particularly the sky. Intangible so the marks should be also.
Early layers of sky
03/06/18
"Rosetta II" by Jenny Saville - oil on watercolour paper mounted on board - 2005/06
"I want to be a painter of modern life, and modern bodies." - Jenny Saville.
A.F. born today.
More progress in the sky of "The Mountain of the Heights".
04/06/18
"The Mountain of the Heights" and "Imprint" on the studio wall.
05/06/18
Notes from a previous workshop:
Turn off distractions
Centred space
Give yourself permission to move your practice forward.
Elevator pitch - needs work.
Find focus and priorities.
Studio days - regimented routine.
Be persistent and consistent.
Find unproductive habits + break them.
Defend creative time.
Slow down and hear your own ideas.
"Creativity is not a talent - it's a way of operating." - John Cleese
When you value serendipity, you start noticing it at work right away.
07/06/18
Awarded iDA from Atypical Gallery and the Arts Council of Northern Ireland!
09/06/18
Degree show work entitled "My Darlene" by photographer Ryan Hamilton.
Installation shot from Stephanie Tanney's degree show. Not unlike Holder's shrouded figure.
A close up of one of Karl Hagan's stunning paintings at the Belfast School of Art degree show.
One of Aimee Melaugh's atmospheric paintings at her degree show.
Saw a lot of art. A LOT OF ART.
Belfast School of Art degree show was fantastic but there were four stand out artists:
Ryan Hamilton in photography.
Stephanie Tanney in sculpture.
Karl Hagan in painting
Aimee Melaugh in painting.
The Golden Thread Gallery group exhibition "After an Act" was great.
"Submerge Form (Red)" by Deb Covell - 2017
David Moore's show in Belfast Exposed was really interesting.
The back wall of David Moore's exhibition entitled "Lisa and John" in Belfast Exposed.
10/06/18
Whiterocks beach just outside Portrush.
11/06/18
Zero energy. There are not enough hours in the day. Structure. Guilty of putting off work because of convenience.
Some sketchbook work done today but not enough.
13/06/18
Is yellow is the colour of hope?
"Selvportrett I Helvvette" by Edvard Munch - 1903 - The Munch Museum, Oslo
16/06/18
"Painting 1946" by Francis Bacon. Part of the MoMA collection.
Bacon was fascinated by butcher shops as a child. The figure in the painting said to be pre-war Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain - known for carrying an umbrella. This work is raw power, beauty and horror rolled in one.
My painter's table of 8 years.
18/06/18
Detail of "Cult" painting in progress.
Paint/draw with purpose. Reasons - just because I can't pin them down doesn't mean they aren't there.
20/06/18
Lubaina Himid - take a "given history" from found objects and then "paint a history on them that isn;t as much talked about." Daytime can't be squandered - every hour counts.
23/06/18
Bonnie keeping me company in the studio today.
Painted pretty much up to 10pm tonight,. Stuck in the zone.
24/06/18
Jan enjoying the sunset at Rosses Point, Sligo.
Trip to Rosses Point. So hot too and great to bump into Rob and Sally. Small world.
25/06/18
View of "An Irish Airman Foresees His Death" in the Hamilton Gallery, Sligo.
Great to see familiar names (Lisa Ballard, Alison Pilkington and Clement McAleer) in the Hamilton Gallery's group exhibition 'An Irish Airman Foresees His Death'.
One of my favourite pieces in the Hamilton Gallery had to be "Spirit of the Aviator" by Brian McDonagh.
26/06/18
Trip to The Model in Sligo town before home. A wonderful space.
Outside The Model, Sligo.
Massive painting by Antje Majewski in the "Future Perfect" exhibition, The Model, Sligo
28/06/18
Close up of "Cult" - Oil and Charcoal on Canvas
Slowly getting back into the rhythm of working again. Finished "Cult". The small child is considerably creepier than expected. More work to "Mountain of the Heights" - been looking at Cezanne's multiple treatments of Mont Sainte-Victoire for some sort of guidance.
Getting there with "The Mountain of the Heights".
Extremely hot in the studio - close to 30°C.
30/06/18
I have Sickert's "Ennui" on my mind.
"Ennui" by Walter Richard Sickert - 1914 - part of Tate Collection